i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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