hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Porn is love you can see.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
