great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
