Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
