He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
