she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
