So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Holy sore nipples Batman
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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