I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
there is glitter all over my balls
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