I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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