Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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