i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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