my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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