my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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