Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
