Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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