this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
