let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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