I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize