"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
