YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
