that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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