i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
