im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
