My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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