absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
