oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
