My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
