i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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