i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
