both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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