so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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