no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
