i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize