He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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