what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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