so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
