Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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