Swine flu. Run for my life!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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