This is not my ceiling
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
