After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
