Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
not ubering you a puppy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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