Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
