does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
