i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize