I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
