Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
