we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
operation have a gay friend backfired
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
