One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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