I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
