tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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