you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize