If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All the doctor said was why
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
