he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
