I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize