I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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