Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
