Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
