i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize