Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
