If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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