I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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