Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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