i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
