Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
