I feel like abortions should bother me more
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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