Can i not drive my cunt home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
