were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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