I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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