I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
