someone threw a dead crab at me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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