those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
