I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
