Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
