It's like God shit irony all over that family
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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