she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
