I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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