So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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