I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize