I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
