You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
