so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think my mom watched the whole time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sext me about skeletons
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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