Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
