And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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