He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
