I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
