SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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