im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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