I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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