the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm both gender and math confused
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