if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
