Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize