I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize