obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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