Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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