So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You did what with his pubic hair?
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