So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
