Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
