A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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