I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
