I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
