no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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