I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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