one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
