Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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