i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just google imaged poop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
