Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
