Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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