Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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