Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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