I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
