Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize