My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
