The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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