Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
