I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
