We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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