What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize