you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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