Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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