$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
