You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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